Friday, August 29, 2008

Reality Check

Part 1:
I'm not really sure where to start. Today was not what I expected.

It didn't even occur to me that I might not be able to keep it together. I've seen all the images, watched the videos, considered myself relatively educated on the matter of what it means to be an orphan in most countries. My guard is already up as Zoe and I come closer together and we each let our guards down. It didn't even occur to me that, upon seeing the real thing, I wouldn't be able to keep it together.

We arrived at the first orphanage today around 10:30am. I don't remember its name and couldn't spell it even if I could remember it. We drove up with several other Gladney families and all convened in the driveway. It was the beginning of a day of visiting orphans in government orphanages. At first I was fine. Kids came up to me to hold my hand or touch me or hug me, and it was what I had expected. Sad, but what I expected.

We started walking through the orphanage and looking at all the buildings and sleeping quarters. Now the kids really started coming out of the woodwork. They were ages (probably) 5-14 or so, and there were SO MANY. They all gathered around us wanting to test their english or wanting to hold your hand. It must have been about now that I started to get rattled. There were SO MANY. And I knew that this was just one tiny orphanage among hundreds (or thousands?) in Ethiopia.

We walked into the first sleeping quarters and the reality of where we were and what it meant hit me. I started, well, sobbing isn't the word. Sobbing would have been it if I hadn't been surrounded by children who were proud to show me where they lived. I tried to stifle it back but every time someone spoke to me or touched me I started crying again. That first room really said it all. 25 children all sleeping in a tiny room the size of our bedroom.

I don't know why it was so sad. I don't know why I couldn't harden up and be stoic. This was a reality I had read about and prepared for. What was so different here?

We walked through all the rooms that were open to us. Most of them had at least 12 beds in them. We visited the baby room and I made contact with a few teeny tiny ones and got them smiling, and this cheered me a bit. Brian and Evan ended up in the play yard and I had Zoe tied to me as I continued to wander. Eventually I ended up back in the yard as well and handed off Zoe for Brian to have a turn with her. Everyone was getting ready to leave and I wanted to make sure that I got a couple of pictures of those rooms that had made me so emotional. I walked into the pink room and took a couple of snaps, just to remember.

But it was in the blue room that I met someone I really didn't expect.

I held up my camera and walked in, just wanting to remember how many beds were there. I took one picture and then realized that there was a caregiver standing and an older child sitting on the floor looking miserable. People here touch babies and children frequently, so I walked up to her and touched her head. Even through her braided hair I could feel that she had a high fever. I put my hands on her head and neck and confirmed it. I said to the caregiver that she had a fever and did she have any medicine. She said yes, but when she left she didn't return for a while. I stayed with the girl with my hands on her face and back while she shivered with chills. She was probably 12 or 13, or maybe older. When the caregiver did return she brought a tiny chair for me to sit in next to this girl. Then she left again. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even have a jacket on to give to her. As I looked at her I saw that she had sores on the inside of her mouth, bloodshot eyes (pink eye?), and
that the skin on her legs was scaly and peeling. I just didn't have anything to give her to help her. Brian and the Gladney folks and our backpack were all back by the car, and I didn't have any medicine there anyways. I looked down at my hands as I touched her face and saw my silver Tiffany ring. I didn't know what to do, so off it came. I took her hand and was able to get it onto her pinky finger (her hands were very large). After this she slowly started inching towards me, and eventually she laid her head on my knee and panted. I held her and cried into her hair and stroked her back while I waited. She had a rattling breath from the fever.

Eventually some other women came in and asked more questions about her. And then Travis walked in with a look of urgency on his face to tell me that everyone was leaving and that they were waiting for me. I explained to him what was going on. He talked to the caregivers a bit and then told me that he didn't understand why she wasn't in the car to head to the doctor that had left thirty minutes earlier. I think he saw my face and the girl clinging to me and he said, "Welcome to Ethiopia."

I kissed her on her burning forehead a few times with her face in my hands and walked out of the room.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

More Pics











Here are some pictures from yesterday. They include a picture of Zoe's lovely primary caregiver, as well as the front of the foster house. Then there are a couple of baby and parents during the coffee ceremony. Evan konked out in the car (jet lag sucks!). And then, of course, baby's first bath! We found it necessary to put her in the "ducky suit". Enjoy!

Baby's First Visa

Yesterday we went to the Embassy and had our interview to apply for Zoe's visa to come to the states. We passed! It was very easy and we were relieved to have that part of our stay completed.

There are a lot of little things that I keep trying to get myself to remember to tell everyone about Zoe, but they fly out of my head as soon as they happen.

First, she's LOUD! She talks and talks and when she cries she SCREAMS! There is no in-between crying for this girl.

She's a great sleeper. The first night she woke up once, second night she slept through, third night woke up SCREAMING once.

She HATES having a poopy diaper and will scream and scream until it's changed. She also hates having her diaper changed at all, so the screaming really continues until the whole ordeal is over with.

She communicates a lot on an individual basis. If she sees someone she likes, especially Brian, she will hold up her hand for a high five! She also waves and clucks with her tongue a lot. She has been known to imitate sneezes! Much like Evan was when he was little, she's a GOOD imitator of sneezes!

She has a new sound, or new to us. You know that rattly cry that newborns make that makes their chins quiver? She does that, except she does it sometimes when she's happy and sometimes when she's about to lose it.

She sucks her thumb when she sleeps.

She is WILD.

She LOVES Evan. And Evan is starting to really like her a lot now that our jetlag is wearing off. He likes entertaining her. He can get her to laugh the hardest.

She is FAT! We call her thunder thighs! We brought three pairs of jeans for her, 9 month, and two 12 months, and there was NO WAY those puppies were going on! Not even close! For any kind people who wish to purchase cute pants for her, think 18-24, seriously! She's approaching 12-18 for shirts.

She should really be taking her nap right now... hey! Stop making clucking noises over there and go to sleep!

Love, all of us

She's a fiesty Cantwell!

Hello everyone!
Sorry it took us so long to get back to you all as we're guessing you're anxiously awaiting pics of our new babe! We made it mostly without incident, but due to getting hung up at customs on our way in, we were quite late getting to the hotel yesterday. They ended up bringing Zoe to us. It was totally weird. One minute the bell rang with room service, and five minutes later the bell rang with our baby! Needless to say, we didn't get through much of that meal!

She was very quiet and mellow when we first met her. Brian is going to upload video of our first meeting. It wasn't until her first diaper change that we heard the ear piercing scream we've been told about for so many months! This girl has some LUNGS! After about 24 hours of diaper changes, however, and not being so scared of us, her screaming is not as frequent. I think her and Evan's screams scare the other one, so you can imagine what it's like when they both get going!

Evan has been a very good big brother. He's playing peek-a-boo with her and bringing her toys, kissing her on the forehead, etc. But he definitely has his moments of realization about what the heck just happened to him. Mostly, he's excited to bring her home. I think he didn't realize how long we're going to be here. Honestly, I am also already looking forward to returning. However, we've just been in the hotel so far and we will soon be out into the big world of Addis Ababa. I'm looking forward to getting out of the hotel! I love it here, it TOTALLY ROCKS, but we're getting a little stir crazy so it's time to hit the road and see some stuff and meet some folks!

Baby girl slept through the night but for one feeding and screaming diaper change at midnight. She woke up happy in her crib with a few toys keeping her busy. She is a feisty little thing, too! It's hard to explain, as we just met her, but she's got some spunk! Here are some pics and we will blog more when we get a little more sleep!

Love, Jen








Friday, August 22, 2008

Rockin...

WE ARE OUTTA HERE! We hop on a plane in 10 hours for 23 hours in the air (with a three year old) and 36 hours of total travel (with a three year old!). Will we sleep??? Eh, who needs sleep??? We'll meet baby Zoe on Monday afternoon in Ethiopia, or about 5am Monday morning CA time. Stay tuned!!!

YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAWWWWW!!!!!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Travel Plans

I just wanted to let you all know that we are scheduled to leave on Saturday, August 23rd. We will be in Ethiopia for 10 nights and will hop on the plane again on September 4. We can't WAIT!!!

Here is a recent pic of Zoe. I hope she doesn't start walking before we get there!!!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!!

I can't believe it, but we finally made it! Poor Natalie got an earful of sobbing when she finally told me! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! WE MADE IT!!! Here is our beautiful girl! Zoe Rose Rahel Cantwell!!!